''THE FRIENDZONE EVOLUTION'' From the Eyes Of an Amateur Part Time Blogger

Here i am Again! On your case Like this STD i got from my Ghanian side chick that has refused to go away but that's by the way Like an Akara seller. I've always wanted to talk about this Friend Zone of a thing!

We All Know who Gets the Pussy Cat LOL

 Nowadays it's common Knowledge that when you meet a Girl You Like and would love to Emotionally(sexually) get involved with as i am with All of my Side chicks from different Races, You Approach from the I-Want-To-Be-Your-Boyfriend angle But a lot of Mandem do get it Twisted Like Cornrows on a Jailbird by thinking becoming friends first will help them get the Pussy Cat faster. These Guys then get Lost between that Fine Line between Being a Friend and Bed mate/BoyFriend and once you Lean Back Like Fat Joe towards the Line that has the ''Friend'' Bit, frustration sets in Like Bare Dandruff on a Woman's Head after wearing Weave for 3 Months straight as some of you Razz Girls do LOL.

(Definition) Friend Zone :  ''When a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.

Friend1: Are you still with that girl?
You: We're just friends.''... (Urban Dictionary)

 A moment of Silence for Brothers in the Friend Zone LOL.

A Dozen Years Ago i was in University and it amazes me now to see how much Friend Zoning has Evolved because back then Any Guy who was a Lover of the Pussy Cat will make it a Priority to Fall back Like Rio Ferdinand in the Face of a Chelsea Fc Attack!! ( Yes I'm a Chelsea Fan!) when Girls try to catch feelings. In My Uni days having a Girlfriend meant putting yourself in a box, especially if you were in your first year. Boys wanted to *Flex (Enjoy Life), See what University Life was all about and trust me in those days being any Girl's Boyfriend was always going to be bottom of the List!!

How can i be amongst all these Girls and decide to super glue myself to just one Girl in my first year in University? No way! that's an Advice from the devil and on these issue the devil shall never prevail! Any Girl that showed too much Feelings for Man was made to Fall back Like Papa Ajasco's Hairline with immediate effect. You know how Women are with the ''Please Let's just be Friends'' Speech when you try to make the first Move in getting the Pussy Cat? Yes that was how they were in those days too! but the difference betwen then and now is that whenever a woman told me that way back I would jump for Joy Like the Israelites did when they saw the Egyptians sinking in the Red Sea because what that meant was that you could turn up at her Hostel any time of the day (or night), Free Food, and being told all her relationship Problems and seeking advice from you After which you then Juice Like Five Alive!! You Women make the Mistake of thinking that Dude you have Friend zoned is not looking to make your pussy cat a punching bag!! Like a Man with No Fingers i cannot count the number of brethren back then who were served the pussy cat on a platter of Gold just by being in that Friend Zone which now seems to be any average Guy's Kryptonite!! Truth is back then ''All Man' was always broke and all man ever had was a few Coins' doing Gangnam Style in my Pockets LOL With all that why would any Man want to hang with a Girl (except she's Rich) Permanently? when i can be friends with Well Fit Girls of all shapes and sizes? Like you don't know Guys used to have Girls for different departments in School!! You date one cos she can cook, one cos she can wash, one cos she knows how to dance *Ijo Yoyo* on Your Pole.... (Ijo yoyo is a popular dance step that reigned back in the day amongst the yoruba people in Nigeria)  The average Player will tell you he'd rather be Friend Zoned back then than be put in a Relationship where he'll have to start playing Husband!! How times have  Changed Like The Average Naija Girl after just One week in England (LOL) Nowadays being Friend Zoned mean you are Forever Farked, You will run errands while another Mofo gets the cat, This cannot be Life!!  #FAIL In those days apart from getting free food and Poking on a regular ,being friend zoned opened you Sesame to a wealth of knowledge about these women's secrets!! Like How you Guys used to be over the moon with happiness and filled with trust and joy because you feel your Girl isn't cheating because she was/is a Virgin Lmao.. I used to know this Girl then who would never let the brethren Hit the cat because ''She was a Virgin and didn't want to Lose Her precious Virginity just like that and break her boyfriend's trust'' But this sister was known in the *ends (Ends mean your area) to give the best Head!! Dating in those days meant you wanted to get Married LOL Not hit the pussycat and do a fast 100 meters pull out like Usain Bolt. These Days being Friend Zoned is a Harlot because that means You are playing the role of Hesky and won't be scoring any Goals But back then it was the ''in thing'' cos hesky was banging in the Goals in those days!! Well enough of my babbling, Nigerian Govt has banned the love of my Life Postinor pregnancy prevention Pill and i have to go figure out an efficient replacement that will not let me down! one like Voltron defender of the Universe!!

NIGERIANS ABROAD: MORE TIGHT FISTED THAN TYSON ABOUT TO HIT A KO

  This is For My Fellow Nigerians. This is About you! Hope your Guitar Strings  are well tuned because this may Hit some Chords (LOL See what i did there?). Like a Fifteen year Old girl Finding (puppy) Love for the First time some of you are going to Catch feelings but not to worry, not much fuck will be given.  Nigeria is a Great Nation (isn't that what we are expected to say?) even though things are not going exactly the way we all want, it doesn't take away the fact that it is a great Nation!

Now we all know how hard things are for a lot of Nigerians, I was born in England but spent a Large part of my Life in Nigeria so i do know how things are. The youth are supposed to be the leaders of tomorrow but haven't we been hearing that since our parents were kids? only to find the very same old farts in the seats of Power?  These Old men keep selling us dreams the way a Player would sell Life time of  Relationship Bliss to an unsuspecting female before getting Her pussycat. Just visit any of the major Embassies in Naija and you will understand what i'm moaning about!! Hundreds of Nigerians sleeping over night at Visa Application submitting centers so as to be first in line the next day.

Nigerians waiting to be seen at an Embassy

    I know a lot of you criticize those Nigerians who somehow manage to borrow, beg, steal, sell everything they have to Leave the country for hope of greener Pastures but that is talk for another Day. You will agree with me that except you are from a Rich Home, Leaving Naija for a Foreign country means going there to ''Hustle'' so you can come back home to a more comfortable Life and your Family can have things a bit easier.

    Let's Play out a Scenario, Ade has graduated from University and Like hundreds of thousands of  Graduates in Nigeria there's absolutely nothing to do.

Isn't this the Harsh Reality of things?

He Lives home with his Parents and siblings in a tiny apartment and is beginning to feel useless and like a burden to everyone around him. He looks around and sees Guys his age struggling too, with some into fraud to make ends meet but Like eating jollof rice and fufu at the same time he doesn't have the stomach for it so Like thousands of other Nigerians he Looks for Money to get himself out of the country, to ''London'', America.... anywhere!!!

Ade Finally gets the Chance to travel out of Nigeria

   Fast Forward a few Months and our boy Ade has been one of the Lucky ones who got someone to Lend his Parents money for flight and Upkeep abroad!!! not only that, he has been given a 2 years Visa to go work and Live in the United Kingdom!!!  before he leaves the shores of Naija he'll probably hang out with his friends while keeping the fact that he'll be leaving Nigeria to himself till the final few hours (don't know why many Nigerians do this LOL) he promises his friends he'll keep in touch every time (another LOL) till d-day comes


Here's the interesting Part!! the part i know majority of  Nigerians DO NOT KNOW.  Once you as an African (Foreigner) Land in the United Kingdom, Like the moment the stone left David's sling in the bible aiming for Goliath's head, your qualifications cease to matter!! only a few foreigners leave their countries to England and end up doing the very job they did back home in England  eg doctors, lawyers... England is a Place where you are told you are ''Over qualified'' for a job so most of the time you have to dumb down a little if you really need a job. bet most of you didn't know that now did ya?



What you also need to understand is that a Nigerian who doesn't have family in UK will find it harder to settle down. The moment he lands at any of the terminals at heath-row airport he already start spending money!! with the British pounds £1 = -N-250 he starts to realize he needs to start making money fast and what majority of  *JJC Nigerians (New) to UK find out is that jobs that fit their qualifications aren't really that easy to find, so they dumb down... and that's why you find lots of our people working as Security Guards, auxiliary nurses, cleaners, barbers, bus drivers etc even though some of these jobs at the end of the day pays even more than many of the jobs we hold in high esteem (as any Naija girl holds the Brazilian weave) back home eg a plumber in Nigeria will never earn as much as a plumber in England! in fact a Plumber in England will earn more than most bankers back home so to those of you who love to make fun of your people who do these jobs abroad.. SHUTUP!! That said these does not mean that ALL Nigerians abroad do these kind of jobs as i personally have lots of friends who are Lawyers, Bankers, Policemen, Government workers and even Mayors and top Politicians in England.


 Now our boy Ade who before boarding the Plane to United kingdom has promised all his friends that he'll call often and send them lots of stuff is settled into a tiny room in a shared house because that is all he can afford and reality has set in that he has to pay something called TAX on almost everything he uses (LOL) including things he takes for granted back home. eg  A Lot of you last payed your electricity bill in 2006 LOL you have never payed money to use water because you have a well in front of your home and you definitely do not pay to watch your TV!!! while your boy Ade has to pay for Electricity monthly (unfailingly), he pays for Gas and for the water he uses, He also pays council Tax, fuck it!! He has to Pay what is called TV License to watch his TV!! etc etc


By the time all these goes off his monthly wages he is left with almost next to nothing. He has Family back home and still has to return the money his parents borrowed to process his Visa and Flight Fees etc You may not know this but that is how it is with so many Nigerians abroad!! I know this because i have met lots and lots of people who came to UK this way. You have to bear in Mind his time to Live and work abroad is Limited because he has traveled on a Visa and it becomes a race against time to make as much money as possible to settle debts and make as much to take home to do something worthwhile.. now reality has set in like concrete and Ade can no longer make those long distance calls to his friends because he now sees that it costs him a lot to make those calls and now things have to be on a very strict budget meanwhile his friends are saying Ade is now a Londoner he has changed and forgotten about them


 Some of you are inconsiderate!! Yes i said it!! You are inconsiderate!! but i don't blame you. why? some of you have been deceived by pictures on Facebook & Naija Fraudsters (don't act like we don't have them) LOL Who wouldn't want to start taking pictures the minute they land in UK? to let all their family and friends know they have ''Arrived''? some of these pictures are just funny to be honest and you see these pictures and think yes!! His/Her Life has changed. Yes it may have but you don't really know how these things work now do you?


Yes we have Fraudsters in Foreign countries who give us all a bad name. These People leave the shores of Nigeria with one thing in mind which is to go do Fraud of all kinds abroad and make fast easy money which a lot of them do make. You see these Guys leave Nigeria and return withing one or two years Buying expensive Cars, Houses, Clothes etc and you immediately think every Nigerian who travels abroad make as much money or have it that easy LOL And that is why so  many of you immediately starts making stupid demands on that your friend/family who didn't have much before they left nigeria but who you believe is now abroad and should have millions after A year... the Fraudsters sold you dreams which is why i don't blame you.

The ''Big Boys'' sell you Dreams with pictures Like this online LOL

 There is a lot of difference in traveling out of the country to holiday abroad and traveling abroad to go ''Hustle hard''. For someone to travel abroad on Holiday, they obviously have more than enough money to spend at Home. Makes sense right? Any Legitimate hard worker who has traveled abroad will tell you it takes as much as a whole Year (even more for some) for someone new to a Foreign country to settle down and blend in But some of you will already start making outrageous demands even before their feet touch Foreign soil!!!


 You want a Person who spends just £20 on a mobile phone contract Monthly to send you a Mobile phone that costs £400, You want that cousin of yours who is in Uk as a student and who spends just £25 monthly on a Laptop to send you a Laptop that costs £350. You want that your friend who manages just £15 daily on food because they know they have limited time to spend abroad and have  a target to meet to send you shoes and jerseys and jewelry that would feed them for a month and when they say NO you get angry


If you have anyone Abroad who sends you Money or Material things you better pray for them and appreciate them!! They work in the humid sun, rain, harsh winter etc to send you that money and those things that you use to *Set P or form Swag to your friends LOL Unless they were Already Rich before Leaving the shores of Nigeria, Unless they are into some form of Fraud abroad, TRUST ME IT IS NOT EASY TO LIVE ABROAD!! Some of you don't even expect Nigerians aborad to have any Plans for themselves as long as you keep getting what you want.  This is one aspect of Nigerians i will never Understand. I've had a friend remind me that when we were in University in Nigeria he once gave me a pair of shoes to wear!! LOL And you don't want to hear some of the things people have told me about their own experience with their friends and family back home.


 The one that Vexes me most is when some people ''back Home'' come out with ''If it's that hard for Nigerians to Live abroad why can't they stay back Home''?... what Nonsense!! do you know how many people whose lives have been stagnant till they moved out of nigeria? i know lots of people who have built houses back home through pure years of hard work abroad. Yes, people have bought cars, Built houses and made life more comfortable for their Families back home through that Security, Cleaning jobs you sit there making fun of.....


Don't get me wrong though, there are people that are naturally more tightfisted than a boxer about to hit a knock out punch BUT i am just making you know and understand how Things mostly are for that your friend/family member who is abroad trying to make things better for themselves. pray for them even when you're not getting what you feel you should be getting from them, and Appreciate them when they send you money or material things even if those things are not as much as you expect. (I can truthfully say in the past 3 years alone i and my wife have sent over 3 million Naira back home to help family and relatives who never show any appreciation for it other than to keep asking for more) Fingers are not equal and that applies to our people abroad too!! we have Nigerians aborad living the Life, and we have those who due to the sort of visa they came into the country with(this is talk for another day LOL) and are having things a bit rough but feel anywhere is better than the struggle back home and that they'd rather struggle abroad and feel safe than go struggle back home.



Before you start saying Nigerians Abroad are Stingy, remember not ALL Nigerians abroad are like that and those that appear so may have good reason to be like that because at the end of the day if their Visas run out and they return home with next to nothing, it's the same YOU who will make fun of them and gossip about how they have gone abroad and failed. If in any way you have been offended by anything you have read on this Blog....

                                    NOT AN INCH OF FUCK HAS OR WILL BE GIVEN

Why?

Why do people blog? Some do it to make money, some to get attention and some for Fame.

Yes i have been of the opinion that nowadays everybody and their dog owns a blog, "if so you this foolish human being why have you also decided to join the bandwagon?" You say?. Well just so we're clear i have decided to start this blog site out of peer pressure!!

You see where that can lead you in Life? Especially if you're a dimwit like me with no hard resolve!!


    One thing you can be sure of is that i'm not doing this for Money because i've got more than enough! You can be rest assured you will never see any pictures of two Celebs side by side on this blog site wearing similar looking garbs and me asking "who wore it better?" LOL You will never see me waste Space to tell you Davido just bought a new car, or that funke akindele just had a new haircut!!

 

 I have decided to start this nonsense that will take away valuable time of your life out of boredom!! I am on facebook and twitter and those who know me know that i am very vocal about my opinions on all sorts of issues but one thing i discovered is that i rarely get enough space on this sites to express my unimportant views.  It's also important to know i am not your parent and so do not care about your feelings!! If at any point you don't like what you see on here, like Jay jay okocha standing in front of a defender you know what to do!!

Let's share our thoughts and opinions about random issues.... With that out of the way i say WELCOME TO MY BLOG SITE!!!!